Hawkstone Park 2023 Match Report
Sixteen of us turned up for our annual expedition to play the two courses at Hawkstone Park. Everyone loves these two gorgeous courses, but we already knew we were in for a very wet weekend. The Parrot's League table is probably the tightest it's ever been at this stage of the season and anyone producing two good scores here could really boost their chances of the prestigious overall title.
We played the courses in the reverse order of our normal itinerary and as we set out on the Hawkstone Course the rain had not yet made an appearance. I was in the third group out and we didn't see any rain at all until we'd played all of 2 holes! The rain then continued from this point for the entirety of the round. My theory ..... as it was a 'Parrot's Day' played on a Sunday the Rain Gods had got confused and had just assumed it was a regular Frank Healey Society aqua-golf day. Either way, the weather was a big advantage to Frankie's society members who are so used to playing in these conditions .... and so it proved to be!
There are different types of rain, and as rain goes this wasn't bad rain at all. A windless day meant a brolly on a trolley provided ample protection from the elements, so much so, that in my group myself and Glenn were still in shirt and shorts until the wind got up on the 17th hole.
Considering the conditions there were some excellent scores posted. 10 of the 16 players posted scores of 30 or better which was exceptional considering the conditions. Glenn beat Pete in a card play-off for 3rd place with 34 points, but they were no match for the two of Frankie's rain-bunnies who filled first and second place.
Many people criticise the Parrot's youth policy. This is very unfair, because unlike bridge where I still qualify for the youth team at my local club, the Parrot's still has many members who are not yet septuagenarians! Matt Murphy, son of Warren and a credit to his dad, is our youngest member at 36. He's a lovely lad, but I rarely have cause to write about him as his scores are generally, at best, mediocre. I'm guessing he may well have been a breech birth (look it up) as his dad has the biggest hook off the tee you'll ever see whilst he has the biggest slice! Nonetheless, young Matt's score matched his age on the day, and anyone playing to their handicap in those conditions has had a very good round. This leaves one player remaining, and it's another one of Frankie's players who normally plays on a Sunday with a lifebelt attached to his golf bag! Way out in front of the field was Steve Ingham, who became the first Parrot this year to win a second day with a magnificent score of 39 points. Well done Steve, a great cushion going into day 2, but would a 2 shot deduction stop this promising newcomer in his tracks ?
The meal that evening proved virtually incident free, apart from the fact Steve Fineman decided my choice of food was better than his and promptly ate my main course. A Fine meal for a Fineman, unlike his choice which I was left with! Some of us then adjourned to poker which was marked by 2 bizarre incidents The first of these was Marty P's general play which included making an inside straight on the river and continuing to play jack 7 with no help from the flop and then seeing a jack on the turn followed by another one on the river!!! I bet you can all guess who was the innocent victim of his ridiculous shenanigans, and in a poker game where you could only lose a maximum of £40 I found myself £80 down after only 15 minutes!!!! Even more bizarre was the random stranger who came over to accuse us of using his poker set! I informed him it was mine and I had brought it from home, but he still insisted on me opening the box to check for DNA. This still did not satisfy him, and he then proceeded to stand in the doorway of our private room watching us until Matt advised him to vacate his position using a minimum of words.
Day 2 was on the Championship course, and although it was dry when we started we knew the rain was coming. As we play in reverse order of our scores this meant an advantage to the Micky Mousers from the first day. I was in the third group out and the rain held off until the ninth. This was unpleasant rain due to the fact day 2 was much windier than day 1. Tough scoring conditions and in contrast to day one only 2 scores above 30 were posted.
The 7 'nearest the pins' over the 2 days were shared fairly with yours truly and Glenn winning 2 of them apiece, but the biggest surprise was that Andy didn't win any of them! Other winners were Geoff, Warren and Steve Fineman.
The main competition of the weekend ... 'longest drive' ... was won by Kev on day 1, but on day 2 Warren seemed to think the prize was for the third longest drive. Very unusual! The confusion could have come about because Warren, out early with the duffers, had posted a mark which I beat. I didn't write my name down because also in my group was Kev who was a smidgeon past me. Kev, so used to winning 'LD' couldn't even be bothered to write his name down over Warren's.
My score of 29 on day 2 was enough to give me third place overall (on countback would you believe), and, in total, 11 of us finished very bunched between 53 and 59 points for the 2 days. Luke was second on the day with 31 points, but a poor first day had already put him out of contention .... so who were the two players ahead of me?
26 points on day 2 gave Steve Ingham a great overall total of 65 (6 points ahead of third), but this was nowhere near enough to catch the runaway train that is Matt Murphy. Winner of day 2 with 33 points, Matt posted an overall total of 69 points which was 4 clear of Steve and earned him the top prize money on offer. Second most pleased person in attendance was day 2 third longest driver, Warren, who surely won't need to give Matt his pocket money this week!
I'm sure the league table will now make very interesting reading with loads of people in with chances ... see you at Kirkby Lonsdale for the next round. Sunshine guaranteed!
