Whoever first coined our society's motto (some Golf Societies promise good weather, others just deliver it) must have been touched by genius ! We turned up to a Whitefield course bathed in sunshine for our 27 holes on what was probably the most glorious day of the year so far !
My second-in-command, Glenn, said he wasn't coming as he was watching a box set of the first series of Only Fools And Horses or some such thing, but, eerily, there were persistent reported sightings of him during the day. At one stage in the afternoon he appeared to be playing in the group in front of my group whilst simultaneously playing in a group some way behind us ! Spooky !
In the morning Gareth correctly remembered that the ninth didn't finish at the clubhouse, but unfortunately misremembered the route we have played before. I'm sure we all enjoyed our trek across the mountains and valleys of this particularly scenic part of Manchester on the route he planned for us ! If you ever book a coach to Cornwall off Gareth's company don't be surprised to find yourself enjoying a tour of the Norfolk Broads on the way.
14 of us turned up for the morning 10 (or 9 if you didn't follow Gareth's route) holes, and we welcomed 2 debutants both called Paul to the society. This gives us 4 or 5 'Pauls' playing in the society, and with the 3 'Glenns' we already have this makes remembering names so much easier for our more senior players. Happy Days.
In my opinion Whitefield's front 9 is distinctly easier than it's back 9, but no-one managed to better their handicap in the morning.
However, 2 players did manage to play to their handicap, namely Steve I, who is becoming a bit of a morning specialist and overall Parrot's leader, Pete. Well done to those two.
After what was a very short lunch break for some of us (when you are playing behind a fourball where Jim Clayton is the fastest player, you're lucky to have a lunch break at all !) we commenced the afternoon ordeal. Joining us were Tony R, Paul F, Matt and Warren. If I didn't know better, I would say Warren was a saboteur working for a rival golf society as he has ruined (one way or another) so many Parrot's days over the years. I even managed to exclude him from our day at Chorley, but, unfortunately, 6 other innocent victims had to be sacrificed to achieve this !
First out was the three-ball of Matt, Derek and Paul F. Derek, carrying an injured arm, struggled on the back 9, and scored 24. Paul, after an excellent outward 19 could only manage 13 coming back for 32, but young Matt scored 17 on each half to post an early target with 34 points. Consolation to Derek was a tenner for (I saw the marker and I hesitate to use this expression) the 'longest' drive !
Second to go was a three-ball comprising myself, Markie T and debutant Paul M. We doubled our stakes and as we stood on the 9th tee I informed Paul that despite the previous 8 holes this was the 'money' hole for the front 9 cash. Markie T could only stand and watch with awe and wonderment as Paul then proceeded to put his tee shot to this formidable par 3 out of bounds, whereas I caressed a drawn 5 wood to 3 feet. My resultant 2 meant that Paul's 2 shot lead going into the ninth had now become a 2 shot deficit as we finished it ! Unfortunately, I was only able to turn my front 9 score of 19 points into a final score of 29 whereas Paul remained admirably consistent scoring 17 points on both 9's despite again going o.o.b. on the par 3 17th. As for Markie T ...... If Paul had thought" I'm bored with these two tw*ts", and walked back to the clubhouse after 8 holes he would have still beaten Markie's final score !
Next out Stuart, Steve I, Ian and Geoffrey. Not much to say about this motley group....Stuart won the back 9 with 12 points and was joint top scorer with Ian on 27 points. The one thing of note, was the sight of Stuart walking up the steep hill on the 18th with two sets of golf clubs and a familiarly-figured, fatigued, forlorn, former feisty firefighter from Fleetwood following fifty feet behind. (Eat your heart out, Jimmy Clayton !) I'm guessing many of you reading this are probably thinking I should 'f' off, but, unfortunately, you're stuck with me.
Some half-decent scores in the fourth group despite the fact not a point was scored on the fifth hole ! Parrot's overall leader, Peter set off like a house on fire with 21 points going out including what was to become a 'nearest the pin' birdie 2 on the third. However, all four of the group scored worse on the back 9 than they had on the front, and Peter could only turn his score into 31 which was level with last time winner Tony R and one ahead of veteran Jimmy Clayton. Frank only scored 20 points, but was a nearest the pin winner on the monster par 3 17th hole. He says he used a 7 iron....if he did that's 9 clubs less than most of us, but actually possible in Frankie's case.
The last group comprised of Gareth, debutant Paul R., Warren and Steve F. Steve won with 28 points. As for the other 3....Thanks for turning up lads !
If you've been reading this closely you will have noticed that no-one has scored in excess of the 34 points Matt and Paul M achieved early on, and, as in every game so far this season, we had to resort to countback. Both players had 17 point back nines, but Paul's blob on 17 cost him dearly as Matt finished with four 3 pointers for a last 6 hole score of 12 points to Paul's 10.
A new name on The Parrot's roll of honour, but embarrassingly out of the 80 odd rounds played this year only 3 have been played to handicap or better... all at Heysham. (Did I mention I had 32 points after 14 holes at Heysham and ended up with 35 !).
We reconvene at Bentham on 16/6. This has traditionally been a high scoring course so hope to see you all there. They require us to order our food in advance so I will send you all a menu.
This season we are looking for guest reporters....so unless you want to keep reading the meandering drivel Jim and Glenn write or the absolute twaddle I write volunteer to do a report. For a template on how it should be done go to the Parrot's website archives and read the Portugal reports from 2016 !
Regards,
Mike