Bentham 2020 Match Report
Finally, about 10 weeks later than normal, the Parrot's were able to have their first outing of the season which took place at Bentham, one of our favourite regular venues. We welcomed half a dozen new faces amongst the normal motley crew of losers and no-hopers who make up our esteemed golf society, although, sadly, a couple of our ever presents were unable to attend due to ill health, and I'm sure we all wish T.J. and Bill Pye a speedy recovery.
In accordance with Government guidelines I arrived 10 minutes before tee off time, and was immediately spotted by Parrot's chief official lookout, Geoffrey Moyle, who seemed to be having a problem with his watch as he kept tapping it ! Sympathetic as I was to Geoffrey's chronological indispositions, I was slightly shocked to realise that all 17 of my society comrades were, in fact,' Covid-Violaters. ' I think we were all extremely lucky that Bentham Golf Club wasn't put into immediate Lockdown !
As the regulars know, some golf societies promise good weather but The Parrot's Golf Society always delivers it, and so it was as the 18 of us teed up on a warm, windless day. We normally have a draw for groupings, but Glenn had informed me that he was going to mix the Newbies up with the regular members, therefore it was no surprise to me to find myself teeing off with Jim and Warren who I have been playing with in the society for 10 years ! ( No-one knows how Glenn's mind works, but you get used to it.)
Bentham is traditionally our highest scoring course of the year, and often produces Stableford scores in the 40's. This didn't happen yesterday, but 15 of the 18 players achieved scores of 30 or better. Excellent. I did mention to the Newbies that if any of them achieved a massive score we might have to review their handicap, but, as usual, I was left with egg on my face as the first five places were filled by regular Parrot's players. I managed to finish third on countback from Stuart and Kev with 36 points. One position ahead of me was Mel with a good 37 point. Unfortunately, I'm guessing we won't be seeing Newbie Steve again as Glenn put him in a fourball with Mel, Geoffrey and Kev.....I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. If Steve now starts telling jokes you haven't heard for 30 years, you'll know where he got them from !
The winning score on the day was 39, and was achieved by Warren. In previous years Warren has possessed the hookiest hooked drive you've ever seen. If he had hit it hard enough the ball would surely have arrived in an anti-clockwise circle back at his feet ! However on Wednesday this sprightly 57 year old was hitting the ball arrow straight often 60 or 70 yards ahead of his decrepit sexagenarian playing partners. The rest of his game wasn't bad either.....so well done to Warren for being the first victor of the season.
I'm thinking of awarding a prize for 'best idea of the season' and we have an early frontrunner in Gareth !
The par three 10th hole was out of action, so Gareth had the idea of playing the par three 17th twice. After initial scepticism, as I walked away from the green with 2 pars and six points on my scorecard I realised what a brilliant idea it really was !
I have already booked Bentham again for next year, where we will be playing the 17th nine times in the morning and 18 times in the afternoon although I'm not sure if Jimmy will be joining us !
Sorry about the length of the report (I know it's boring, but it's a cold rainy morning ) If I have forgotten to abuse anybody I can only apologise. Myself and Glenn have been doing these reports for 12 years and if we were a double act we'd be known as Acerbic and Anodyne, but we used up our best material years ago. This year we are looking for guest report writers, so if anyone fancies it just let us know.
As you know I've booked Kirkby Lonsdale for 15th July and the plan is to play every 2 weeks on a Wednesday, but I'm still playing it by ear a little bit. Will keep you all informed and look forward to seeing you at Kirkby.
Mike
