Match Report Portal 2017
For the fourth year in a row the Parrots society weekend away took place at MacDonald Portal in Cheshire, and for some days beforehand, it was clear from the forecast that Mike’s usual ‘Some societies....’ declaration on the prospect of good weather had gone into overdrive. The two days were forecast dry and very high temperatures, and so it proved. As I was leaving Portal after the round on Monday, the thermometer in my car read 30 degree’s, surely it can’t have been that hot!?
For the second year in a row, there were exactly 14 players making the trip, just not the same 14. Due to the vibrating tissues in Mike’s nose and throat airways whilst he sleeps (snoring to you and me!), Mike’s now finding it difficult to get a room-mate, but it’s at times like this that you find out who your true mates are, so well done John Patt for falling on his sword! Included in the party was a first Parrots outing for John Byrne, so a warm welcome to John to the Parrots.
Both rounds at Portal were to count within the overall season leaderboard, with the Premier course played first and the Championship course on the Monday.
On Sunday, scoring was relatively low (the form slump in the society continues), although the average points scored across all the players was the same as last year at 25, but with only one player making it into the 30’s.
As it happens, I was to play in the same group each day as the Day winner, so I’ll be able to tell you a bit about the winners round as well as my own!
Best front nine score was that of last years winner Marky T with 18pts, accumulated by six 3 pointers and three blobs, mercurial by anyone’s definition! Oh no, was this to be a repeat of last year? Sadly for Mark only 11pts back left him on a total of 29pts. But remember, I said only one player reached 30pts, so this would be good enough for a 2nd place tie. After a slow start on the front nine, I managed to get my game together (assisted by the use of my umbrella to protect me from the blistering sun and heat, much to the amusement of others!). 4 pars in the closing 6 holes gave me the same 29pts as Mark, but, yes you guessed it, Marky T was not going to win a card playoff with 11pts back, so 2nd place to me!
But if I thought I’d had a good finish to my round, John Cottam eclipsed this and some. Finishing with four Pars in the last four holes adding 12pts to his score, John stormed to a runaway win with 35pts and a well deserved victory on Day 1. The problem this score would give John for Day two was the 2 shot handicap reduction, meted out by the handicap secretary in retaliation!
Once again, it was late before the group of hungry golfers ate due to the slowness of play, however the meal was enjoyable. The problem this year was that Portal seemed to be operating hotels bars that had little drinkable beer due to the weekends thirsty customers and the heat, which did not go down with TJ who headed off for an early night!
The now annual sporting event sweep was the winner of the US Open (if we could find a way to watch it, as the hotel seemed not to anticipate that a group of golfers might want to watch the final day of one of the sports majors). This was resolved via access to the members bar where the appropriate Sky channel could be accessed that apparently was unavailable elsewhere. Mmmm, customer service a bit lacking this year, me thinks.
Anyhow, in a ying / yang sort of way, JP’s sacrifice in the bedroom department was rewarded by him drawing Brooks Koepka in the sweep, who duly produced the goods to earn him £40, with Mike and John B sharing the remaining £30 for 2nd and 3rd.
There was also, again, a poker game held in the evening, which went on most of the night due to constant rules changes on buy in / re-buy shit which meant no one got knocked out for about two hours! Eventually, Mel became the first casualty, but staying the course for this marathon game were myself in 3rd, Martin G in 2nd, and the winner being ex croupier Martin Pierce, who had a good night where cards were concerned, taking yet more money off the lads through some strange game called ‘Shoot’! Martin says he’s a definite for next year’s trip, but forget the golf, he’s just coming for the card games!
Now we all know the power of social media in todays society. It seems it can even influence election outcomes these days, but who knew it could influence the purchase of new footwear! After much interest by society members in the story of Mike’s footwear (see the last report), Mike was inundated with offers to improve his podiatry comfort on the golf course, notably by John C and Martin Pierce, who just happened to have a surplus to requirement pair of size 9’s in his car. Mike eventually caved in to this concern for his feet’s welfare and bought these shoes from Martin for Day 2’s round. It clearly had a positive effect on his golf as he scored one more point on Day 2 than Day 1! See, we told you Mike!
Back to the actual golf. For the third time in 4 years we had a runaway leader after Day 1, and breaking with recent tradition there was no reverse order tee off this year. This was as a consequence of needing to guarantee at least one round in a four-ball for everyone. So, it turned out that our leader John C was first out. A steady round from John gave him 28pts but also gave some hope to the chasing pack. A 63pt total.
Scoring was better on Day 2 generally, with five players making it into the 30’s. Just missing out were Warren and John Byrne on 29pts each, either of which would have been good enough for 2nd on Day 1. On 30 pts dead was Melvin. My own round started well with four straight Par’s ...... was there a challenge on? After going awol in the middle of the front nine, I got it together again for the back nine and finished with the longest two putt I think I’ve ever had for a Par on the hugh last green for 32pts. But no matter which calculator I used I still couldn’t get my aggregate score to be more than 61pts, so John still led!
But there were better scores out there. 33pts apiece for Martin G and Pete W, tied 2nd place on Day 2 with Pete sneaking the count-back. Two round totals, Martin on 58pts and Pete on 60pts. Still John led!
But again, after going toe to toe with John C on day 1, I was given a closing hole lesson by the eventual winner of Day 2 in the shape of John Patterson. A birdie and three Pars in the closing six holes put JP on 35pts. Two round total, 62pts. John C had survived by one point and was crowned overall champion for the weekend, with JP taking a narrow second place overall. If only some git had given him that short putt on the 17th green he had missed!! Why are there always gimmee controversies!
For the benefit of completeness, here is a rundown of all the scores in descending order of the two round totals.
1st John Cottam 35 and 28 = 63
2nd John Patterson 27 and 35 = 62
3rd Glenn Wellard 29 and 32 = 61
4th Pete Whiteside 27 and 33 = 60
5th Martin Greenaway 25 and 33 = 58
6th Mel Johnson 25 and 30 = 55
7th= John Byrne 24 and 29 = 53
7th= Warren Murphy 24 and 29 = 53
7th= Mark Thomas 29 and 24 = 53
10th Tony Johnson 22 and 28 = 50
11th Mike Barnes 23 and 24 = 47
12th Phil Matthews 23 and 22 = 45
13th Martin Pierce 17 and 26 = 43
14th Bill Pye 20 and 13 = 33
Handicap changes from Portal were :-
John Cottam 17 to 15
John Patterson 7 to 6 (for 1 game only, Rule 11)
John Byrne 18 to 19
Tony Johnson 20 to 21
Phil Matthews 19 to 20
Warren Murphy 22 to 23
Bill Pye 25 to 27
Mike Barnes 13 to 14
So, all in all, another superb weekend all round for the Parrots society. The updated leader-board and handicap changes have been posted to the website. Despite the excellent performances from the John’s, Pete W and myself are still inseparable at the top of the table, but that looks likely to be short-lived whenever JP next plays, as he lurks lower down in the table having played just four rounds so far.
That’s all for now, see you at Kirkby Lonsdale........ er...... tomorrow!
Glenn
