Stand 2023 Match Report
Thirteen players assembled for the fifth Parrot's outing of 2023 at Stand golf course in Manchester.
Not strictly true! Ten players arrived in good time to play this lush, hilly venue (notable for being the course where General George Custer played his final ever round of golf), but unfortunately 3 of us arrived 75 minutes later than we intended to!
This was due to bovine activity on the M55. Three cows were running loose on the aforementioned motorway and ludicrously it took an hour and a quarter to round them up! Personally, I prefer the Glenn Wellard method of dealing with road-blocking cattle.....Glenn will tolerate nothing and nobody blocking his way when he is driving, and, one day, when a cow having a lazy wander down a country lane came into view he decided that this poor unsuspecting beast was never going to have the chance to hamper another innocent motorist ever again. He took dead aim, accelerated and the UK population of Friesian cows was reduced by one in an instant! Well done to Glenn.....who is now a hero of dog owners all over the country!
The late arrivals were myself, Robbo and Paul Fineman. It goes without saying that Paul is a Fine driver with a Fine car, but the 3 of us together are probably not the best combination. The previous week in Scotland we'd come across a road closed diversion sign which took us down a single lane road. Unfortunately, on this road we were stuck behind a garbage lorry which was unwilling to pull aside and let us past and stopped every 100 yards. Not too much of a problem, because Paul had forgotten to turn his meter on. However, after thirty minutes of very slow progress where should we arrive?....you guessed it....the very same road diversion sign we had started from!
Onto the golf....we haven't played Stand for years, but everyone seemed to love it, and people were unanimous in the opinion that I should book it again next year. Don't think I need to say too much about the weather, but in a week of thoroughly inclement weather we played in perfect sunshine!!! Some Golf Society's etc.etc.......
Handicap secretary Glenn whose catchphrase is "need to go out first, mate" put in his usual brief appearance in the first group posting a good score of 34 which included 3 birdies on the back 9. Completing the first group were his early-leaving sidekick, Geoffrey, who scored 29 and Bob who scored 28. Glenn also secured the only NTP of the day (apparently with his normal good fortune!) on the 13th, but strangely he had decreed at the start the reward should only be a fiver. With only 2 par threes on the course, and nobody managing to hit the green on the longish sixth hole society funds were left £15 to the good!
Group 2 consisted of the extremely well-handicapped trio of Gareth, Derek and Pete Whiteside. Derek averaged over 2 points a hole on the holes he scored on, unfortunately, he had a mammoth 6 blobs leaving him on 25 points. Former army regular Pete would have been drummed off the parade ground for his unshaven appearance, but returned a tidy 32 points. Society champion Gareth has been struggling with injury this year and has returned only mediocre scores in his 2 outings to date, but on this occasion was back to his best....surely a score of 39 points had given this affable, hard-living Yorkshireman a great chance of victory!
Sometimes life doesn't turn out how you planned it! For instance, I never expected my life in retirement to be largely spent travelling the highways and byways of our little island with a couple of taxi drivers, but that's just the way it's turned out! However, such is life, and they are very pleasant chaps. Anyway, the three of us eventually reached Stand ten minutes after the third group had started, and with no prep whatsoever we found ourselves on the first tee. I know many of you only read these reports to find out how I played, but my games are all pretty much the same at the moment .... Excellent driving (Almost 300yds on 12th) followed by barely adequate irons, atrocious chipping and appalling putting. Nonetheless this gave me a two-shot lead over my playing companions as we teed off on the 18th. A good drive left me 34 yards to the pin at which point I promptly thinned my sand wedge 100yards down the first hole! Game over, 31 points. Robbo, who'd won our front 9 finished with the same score as me, but we were both two behind our playing partner who had put together a Fine best of the day back 9 score of 21 points which included 2 birdies. Well done Paul Fineman for a good score of 33.
In the football World Cup, there is often a group called ' The Group of Death'. Our third group out was the golfing equivalent! Consisting of Andy, Glenn Riches, Frank and Steve Fineman this was about as competitive a group as you could ever wish to find. Four scores of 30 or better proved this to be true. Andy and Glenn only had one score above 5 between them but 2 blobs apiece put paid to their chances and they finished on 30 and 31 points respectively. These 2 scores left Frank sensing some easy pickings after an excellent 36 points, but that wasn't to be. Despite a blob on the first, Steve Fineman still managed to go out in 20 points. He managed to replicate this on the back 9 to record the first 40 point score of the year. A Fine score from a Fineman!
Handicap changes from Stand :-
Steve Fineman 15 to 13
Gareth Lunn 14 to 13
Derek Abrahams 17 to 18
We reconvene at Rochdale on Wed. 12th July, please see the website for tee times
Regards,
Mike
