Nelson 2022 Match Report
To paraphrase the U.S.A.'s greatest President, Abraham Lincoln ..... you can't please all the people all of the time!
Despite the loving care and attention I put into my Parrot's reports, I still get complaints!
For instance, Jimmy Clayton says I barely mention golf and Dave Baird says I never mention him!
To keep them both happy, here is a golfing story about Dave Baird.
Many years ago, before he was married, Dave invited his then girlfriend to come and 'play with him' at Fleetwood. Unaware of the etiquette of golf and thinking this was a euphemism Dave's girlfriend turned up on the first tee totally naked ! Too polite to say anything, Dave and his playing partner, Bill Johnson, teed off and the three of them walked happily down the first fairway.
Now, anyone who knows Fleetwood, will know that about 120 yards down the first fairway and well to the right there is a large clump of gorse bushes. What a lot of people didn't know at the time was that a large Grizzly Bear had made it's den in those gorse bushes. Of course, everyone reading this will know that a Grizzly Bear's favourite meal is fish. However, there are two things that smell like fish only one of which is fish! Unfortunately, Grizzly Bears aren't as sophisticated as us, and getting a whiff of what it thought was it's favourite meal the Grizzly came bounding out of the gorse heading straight for Dave's girlfriend! Fortunately, Dave was able to beat the Grizzly off with his 7 iron and not too much damage was done to his partner. Intrepid Gazette photographer Bill was delighted to have the picture of his life for his paper's next edition!
Chastened by it's case of mistaken identity and sick of having it's home bombarded 4 times a week by Geoffrey Moyle's drives from the first tee, the bear has long since returned to the fast-flowing salmon rivers of it's native Alaska, where it remains happily to this day, but no-one who saw it has forgotten the headline that accompanied Bill's picture in the Evening Gazette .... BAIRD'S BARED BIRD BEARED
Hope that covers my remit, Gents.
Penultimate outing of the Parrot's season was to Nelson, an old favourite of ours, although we haven't played it for a few years. Gorgeous greens, excellent fairways and, of course, the usual Parrot's weather!
Only six players turned up for the morning 9 holes, so it was 2 three balls. Parrot's current champion, Mel Johnson, has cut a very sad figure on the fairways this year, and his misery was compounded when he had to retire on the seventh hole after his back gave way. Some might say that it's been the worst defence of a title since Leicester finished 12th the season after winning the Premier League, but none of our members would be that uncharitable!
I know you all like to hear about my golf...my first putts on the first 3 holes all ended up within an inch of the hole, I birdied the fourth and then proceeded to 3-putt the next 5 holes. 19 points ... it could easily have been 27!
Anyone watching the Monday night drama on I.T.V. 'The Suspect'? It's about a bloke who has an obsession with the number 21. Glenn has put the number 21 next to Pete Whiteside's name for no apparent reason, but Pete insists that this is his handicap !!! It can't be can it ? Pete won the morning with 20 points. Well done, mate. you know I'm not the sort of person who might begrudge you your victory.
Lunch-time proved to be very interesting. Mel isn't coming to Bentham as he is visiting WW1 battlefields in France. I'm quite familiar with the names of many of these places, but the one he is visiting this time is called Arras which I'd not heard of. On being informed of this, Stuart told us nonchalantly, that his great-grandfather had won a Victoria Cross there! Wow! If anyone didn't know the rarity of this award, only 1358 have ever been awarded in the 170 years the award has existed!
10 players joined us in the afternoon with the race to Bentham reaching it's crescendo. In the past Nelson has been the scene of some massive scores, so the chance of advancement in the overall table was well and truly there for those players attending. We welcomed a new member in Alan Parkes. Hope you enjoyed the day Alan.
Mel's retirement made the first group out a three-ball consisting of Robbo, Stevie Fineman and an injury-carrying Mike Lovell. Mike limped to 29 points, Stevie played some fine golf to record a score of 33, but they were both eclipsed by Tony's, best of the day, 22 point back 9 which gave him a score of 36 on the day and a chance of being in the final group at Bentham!
Group 2 consisted of me, Al Watson, Andy and morning winner Pete. I've now got into the habit of blowing my chances with my first tee shot , and, sure enough, yet again I duffed my drive and left myself unplayable enabling me to put a dash on my card ! Pete also blobbed the first and was 3 bits down after 3 holes. Totally unfazed by this (it is what it is) he stormed back to win the front 9 by 4 points with a score of 20. The doubles was quite interesting with 6 holes halved, but the other 3 all having 2 point swings .... Pete and Andy besting us by 2 points. After birdieing the 10th Andy flame was extinguished, only flickering to life on the NTP holes with the scent of cash in his nostrils ! This left us with the problem of stopping Pete. After offering to remove the marker post on 12 for Alan's second shot, he told me to leave it in because he had a plan. He played an almost perfect shot, right of centre of the marker post it ricocheted viciously towards it's intended target. Unfortunately, Pete's lightning reflexes enabled him to remove his head from it's intended trajectory, but it will leave him with a severely bruised arm. Poor Al was left with a third shot 50 yards further away than his second. With 6 holes halved again and only the last to play, Pete and Andy were 2 up overall....all looked lost, but pars from both me and Al against a bogey by Andy and a double bogey from Pete meant honours were shared in an excellent doubles game. All scored in the thirties...Pete 37, me 35, Al 32, Andy 31.
Don't worry....it gets briefer....10 am Sunday morning.....Mitzi looking daggers at me wondering why we haven't been out yet!
Group 3 consisted of overall leader Gareth, Bill 3.142, new boy Alan and Paul F. Paul played some fine golf to win the back 9 with 19 points but his score of 32 was bettered by Gareth whose 34 points gives him one hand on the Parrot's Trophy, but as we all know, a lot can happen at Bentham. After a slow start with 5 one pointers in his first 6 holes Alan scored 31 and a tiring Bill could only manage 22.
Last group out was characterised by a grinning Glenn Wellard relieving a bewildered Bill Johnson of £7.50 at the end of their round. Glenn had 35 points, Stu 31, Bill 29 and Marty P. 28. Undeterred by this Marty went out with another society the following day and achieved, what I think is, his first ever career victory with a 37 pointer at De Vere's. Well done mate.
Already planning his next exotic holiday is Andy Nurse, who scooped the cash on both NTP's despite the second one being a photo finish with Yours Truly!
So, to conclude, we have that rare occurrence where the same player has won both morning and afternoon rounds. Well done Peter....excellent golf. Well done also to Robbo who came second. Apart from our runaway leader the league table should make interesting reading. (note from Glenn, the table is in strict countback order on ties to assist in group determination at Bentham)
Handicap changes from Nelson :-
Pete Whiteside 21 to 19
Tony Robinson 20 to 19
.... and that's it!
Last event of the year is the Grand Finale at Bentham. If you don't intend to play the morning it would be good if you could join us for the communal lunch. Presentations will follow at the evening meal.
I do need to know your plans though so I can let them know our catering requirements .... you can text me (07503 025728) or reply to this e-mail as soon as possible please.
Plenty of prize money on offer, and there will be NTP's on all par 3's. .... hope to see you all there!
Regards,
Mike
