Haydock 2020 Match Report

I've never travelled with Kev Gerrard in his flash motor, but I'm guessing his music playlist includes The Day Before You Came by Abba, and Yesterday by The Beatles, but probably doesn't include Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow by Fleetwood Mac. Kev likes the Courses I book for The Parrot's....he just doesn't like playing with the rest of us, and tends to visit them prior to the day I've booked. If anyone has the urge to defect to The Kev Gerrard Society, all you need to do is look at the date and times I've booked and turn up 24 hours or 7 days before that date !

How do I follow the epic narrative from Jimmy Clayton detailing our Wigan outing ? I couldn't possibly.....It's the first time ever we've had a Parrot's Report written in the form of a novel. Thank You Jimmy.

Anyway, ten of us turned up for the morning 9 at Haydock on a calm, cloudy still day for the penultimate (hopefully) outing of our season. The course was in excellent condition with fairways like carpets and lovely greens, so all was set fair for some good scores.

The morning round featured lots of players with 16 or 17 points, but only three players equalled or bettered their handicaps. I was playing with a couple of the society's 'bombers' Frank and Stuart, who surprisingly had decided to add a little finesse to their games by often hitting irons off the tee for safety. Embarrassingly for me their irons were still going as far as my drives and this sensible tactic enabled them both to score 18 points. Fortunately, as we all know with 'bombers' the testosterone will kick in, and they will have no memory of this beneficial tactic next time they play.

Morning winner, with 19 points, was Marky T. I've known Marky for a few years now, and can safely say that the best thing about his golf was his singing. Those of you who come on the Portugal tour will know what I mean ! However this former 20 odd handicap hacker is showing improved form this year, and not only is he down to 16 in our society he is leading the table in the rival Sunday society run by the Greenaways. Although this society is obviously much less prestigious it's still quite an achievement for this injury-prone individual. Well done Marky !

Glenn had said he wasn't attending Haydock as he was climbing Mount Snowden with his daughter, so you can imagine my shock and horror when two of him turned up for the afternoon round along with Tony and Trevor. I was thinking I should never have had that second pint of San Miguel, and questioning my sanity until I realised, much to my relief, it was The Fineman Brothers. Phew ! I think even David Attenborough would agree that the sustainable population of Glenn Wellards on this planet is more than ample with just the one !

After an excellent lunch the 14 players who set out on the afternoon round had high hopes of a good score in our usual perfect conditions, with a number of players hoping to improve their standings in the overall table ahead of our final game at Morecambe. Half of the field managed to post scores above 30, but none of them were in the high 30's. There were an unprecedented four players tied for second on 34 points with The Middleton Kid himself posting the best back 9 to claim second place money. Well done to Trevor who always makes his best efforts to attend.

As I said no-one made a score in the high thirties....however one player took the course apart to record a massive six stroke victory with a score of 40 points. Tom won the overall title last year, but an injury- plagued year has left him languishing in the golfing doldrums this year. This all changed at Haydock ....18 points out and 22 points coming home has put him right back in the mix to retain his title. Excellent result Tom.

There were no changes in the top three overall, but Mel managed to improve his score enough to join Warren, Glenn and myself in the final fourball at Morecambe.

Talking of Mel....I travelled with him to Haydock, and on the way back we were caught in an horrific traffic jam due to an accident. My idea was to jump off the motorway at Wigan, have a sneaky Maccy D and re-join the motorway at some point after the accident. All went well until we came to the roundabout and Mel decided to overrule myself and the sat-nav lady and head off South. Apparently he'd heard that Birmingham had been put in isolation and assumed that meant it had been moved to Cumbria.

I've been in touch with Morecambe and am happy to report that all is going ahead as planned. I have booked Kev in for Thursday, but the rest of us will be playing on Friday. Normal Government rules apply in the clubhouse and I suggest everyone takes a face mask with them. Look forward to seeing you all there....can this weather last ?

Mike