Match Report Nelson Golf Club 2016
John Cottam had spent many sleepless nights on the run up to Nelson. Overall Parrot's leader throughout the season, sexagenarian John knew that five of the Society's finest young guns were baying at his heels, all under 10 points behind him. He also knew that Nelson is probably the easiest scoring course on the rota, having been the scene of numerous scores over 40 stableford points. However this was to be John's lucky day....
His first piece of luck was the weather. It was blowing in sailor's terms, a 'Bastard.' Twenty mile an hour winds, with gusts up to 40 throughout the country ! His next lucky break was that of the five young guns chasing him four didn't turn up. His nearest rival, Kev Gerrard, has done the unthinkable and got himself a job! Joiner/ builder Martin Greenaway was having his annual month in Spain spending his ill gotten gains. Marky T was on holiday in Devon, honing up his dance moves in readiness for Portugal, and Glenn had donned his best anorak to go on a walking holiday in Lincolnshire! Glenn's ambition is to climb all the peaks over 2000 feet in England (I won't tell him if you don't!), and your guess is as good as mine as to how he managed to persuade his lovely wife, Carole, to accompany him on his madcap adventure. If the phrase 'long-suffering' had not been invented it surely would be now to describe this delightful lady.
Of the young guns this left only me to try and exert some pressure on the overall leader, unfortunately my spirit had been broken the day before by two other sexagenarians. In our regular Tuesday game Jim had completed the back 9 at Fleetwood in 2 under par gross, for 42 points. Not bad, you might say. Not good enough to win our threeball! Geoffrey Moyle had 43! This included his first ever hole-in-one, which he achieved on the sixth hole. How are you supposed to compete with that??
The morning nine, Half Nelson, was appropriately named as we wrestled with the gale force winds blowing across the course, and only one man was able to master the conditions. None other than Johnny Cottam himself ! He scored an excellent 19 points leaving the rest of us trailing in his wake, but could he continue this form into the afternoon?
If anything the wind was blowing even harder in the afternoon, and as the first threeball consisting of myself, Jimmy, and Johnny C. set out, chances of a good score were not promising. John couldn't maintain his morning form, and had slumped to only 4 points after six holes, I wasn't much better, with three blobs already at this stage, but hardy Wiganer, Jim, was thriving with two birdies in his first five holes and a total of 17 points on the front 9. He played even better on the back 9, scoring 19 points, for an excellent total of 36 thereby playing to his 7 handicap. Excellent golf , and a score that must surely win in these conditions. John finished with 24 points, and I was only able to improve my discard by 2 with a 29, although this did push me up to third overall.
Second group out consisted of T.J., his inseparable companion, Phil, Davey B. and Bill 3.142. Phil, still carrying a grudge from some imagined whispering on the tee at Rossendale, tried to take me out with his golf ball whilst I was standing on the sixth tee. Despite showing more accuracy than he did for the rest of his round he still narrowly missed and finished with a score of 24. Bill scored 22 points and blobbed 7 holes, which for those of you who understand maths is amazingly coincidental with regard to his name! Dave scored 27 points, but did achieve the amazing feat of scoring an eagle on a par 4!! This was done with his wedge ( the rest of us were playing 7 iron second shots) on the 366 yard eigth. This feat has only ever been achieved once before, and if memory serves me correctly, it was the 16th at Kirkby Lonsdale, although I can't remember who did it. If you know, answers on an email to this address.
Best score in this group was T.J.'s 31 who, despite a late start to the season, now seems to be getting his act together.
If I tell you that Pete Whiteside was the 'youngster' in the final group, that gives you an idea of the combined age of the group! Surely these 'old boys' had no chance in these tough conditions. Nonsense, of course, as 3 of the best 4 scores of the day came from this group! Trevor scored 23 points, but more of him later. John P scored an excellent 32 without blobbing a hole which was great for his playing partners, as he remained the 'Equable Irishman,' not his evil alter ego the 'Angry Irishman.'
'Youngster' Pete Whiteside came good with 33 points to finish third on the day leaving only 'hole-in-one' hero from the previous day, former firefighter, Geoffrey Moyle.
Sometimes in life we all seem to have a little golden period, when everything just seems to go right. It might last a few minutes, it might last a few days, but when it happens you have to make the most of it. Geoffrey was making the most of his. Much to the amazement of his playing partners, during the course of his round he holed 5 putts from OFF the green. These varied in distance, from about 10 to about 30 yards...how often does that happen? This enabled Geoffrey to equal Jimmy's score of 36, and I think we can all guess who won on the card play-off to continue his golden period! Poor JIm, who had been pipped by Geoffrey the day before giving him 11 shots, had been giving him a massive 17 shots on the day. Anyway, well played to them both.
In the bar after golf much interest was shown by the lads in Glenn's walking holiday in the Lincolnshire Wolds. For some reason they seemed to think I should know all the answers and John Patterson had shown us another one of his persona's, now becoming the 'Incredulous Irishman.' None of them had heard of anyone going on a walking holiday to scale the peaks of LINCOLNSHIRE ! Fortunately Trevor was able to trump this when he revealed his holiday destination. Trevor has booked, for himself and his family, a weeks holiday in a penthouse in.......wait for it.......HARTLEPOOL !!!!
The Parrot's reconvene ( meet again, Geoffrey) in 2 weeks at Whitefield. Don't forget your drivers, lads, 'cos you will need them for the par 3's. Hope to see you there.
Cheers,
Mike
